I don’t feel very brave today. Ya know the days when everything just feels off. Like your disconnected from yourself and yet you cannot get away from your own thoughts. I did not meet the morning sunrise with fierceness in my eyes. I am not going to be pushing through the afternoon slump like a runner just steps away from the finish line. I’m just not. And tonight, when I finally lay my head to rest, I will not feel like I conquered or won. Tonight, I will close my exhausted eyes thankful for the quiet.
Maybe because its Monday. Maybe not. My mood matches the gloominess of the outside sky. The sun is hiding, I want to stay inside. I want to stay where its safe, warm, and predictable. Tomorrow will be for other things.
Perhaps Tuesday can be for facing the day with a reset and fervor. Yes, tomorrow I will be brave again. Just not today. My head is loud, and my heart is heavy. Sometimes I don’t even really know why. What I do know is I need Mondays. A day with permission and understanding. A day to stop scrambling to fit life’s pieces together. Leave the puzzle for some other day. I don’t feel very brave today. I stare at my closet with an excess number of hoodies. I think, yes, today is a hoodie kind of day. I grabbed the one nearest me and noticed some stickers that had been on there since last week. Last week I had a Monday, but it was on a Wednesday. I cried, felt things overwhelming me and helpless to difficult happenings in my life. I was washing the dishes, trying to hold back the tears, when small hands reached from behind me. “Here Mama, have a sticker.” I muttered a quiet thank you. Another sticker. And another. Then little arms wrapped around me. “What’s wrong Mom?” With my eyes about to spill over, I said “I’m just a little sad.” The small voice responded, “Sometimes we just need to let it out right?”
Sometimes we do need to just let it out, and sometimes we just need stickers. Standing here, Monday feels, I look in the mirror at my hoodie with all the stickers. Stickers to remind me that Mondays are not forever. Stickers to remind me I need Mondays.
Today I may feel a little off. This afternoon I may just barely crawl over that hump. Tonight, I may lay my head to rest knowing the final score would not give me the win. It is Monday after all. So, I give myself permission to wear my hoodie all day. I understand why I need the comfort of what is safe, warm and predictable.
Whatever it’s like for you when your Monday’s come, leave the pieces of life’s puzzle, place some stickers on your hoodie. For tomorrow will be for other things, but today, today this is what you need. 🌻
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